Change Your Thoughts. Change Your Life. Pt. 7
Maximum Happiness Happens Through Service
In our final two instalments of this blog series on happiness, we come to what is likely the most counterintuitive truth in the world, especially for self-focused westerners like you and me—we are most happy when we serve others. We are most happy when we are serving others. There is a mountain of scientific research that affirms this truth, on which we will certainly touch, but I want to first share with you my awakening to this understanding.
Among the many not-so-great things I did whilst attending the University of Oklahoma, one positive stand out—the summer I spent volunteering at a local long-term care facility for the aged. I admit that when I first began volunteering there, it felt like more of an obligation than a happy or fulfilling experience. But the more time I spent there and opened my heart to the people I was serving, the more my heart and attitude changed. Even as a very selfish college student, I began to want to be there instead of feeling I had to be there.
Over time I built relationships with some of the most interesting people I have ever known, and their stories were layered with everything from the extraordinary to the incredibly painful. Looking back all these years, I vividly remember how different I felt after that summer. My priorities were more evident. My values were more defined. And in an interesting twist, I was actually happier having spent a good deal of the summer serving than I could have ever imagined I would be, especially with everyone around me spending most of their summer partying. My increased happiness was directly tied and proportional to my investment in the lives of other people. Making a difference in the lives of others made me happier than nearly anything else I could have imagined—and it still does today.
Of course, that is not a brag of any kind because I am not unique.
Every human being is happier when their lives are others-focused rather than self-focused.
Every human being is happier when they focus their attention on making a difference for someone else. Every human being is happier when they serve others. Science backs this universally. There is evidence to suggest that when you help others, it can promote physiological changes in the brain linked with happiness. Volunteering and helping others also helps us feel a sense of belonging, make new friends and connect with our community. Face-to-face activities such as volunteering… can help reduce loneliness and isolation. Furthermore, according to a recent study from France, "selfless people," or those who focus more on others and serving them, experience more long-lasting happiness; they feel more harmony with people and environments, and their mood is not affected by others. Those who invest in making a difference in the lives of others are also better able to handle life's ups and downs.
Interestingly, our happiness quotient being tied to actively making a difference in other people's lives remains consistent as we age. An early study compared retirees older than 65 who volunteered with those who did not (Hunter & Lin, 1980–1981). Volunteers scored significantly higher in life satisfaction and the will to live and had fewer symptoms of depression, anxiety, and somatisation. Because there were no differences in demographic and other background variables between the groups, the researchers concluded that volunteer activity helped explain these mental health benefits.
All that to say… though it seems counterintuitive, maximum happiness is found and maintained by serving others. We think we will be most happy when we serve ourselves. So many of our external influences and internal drivers tell us to focus on ourselves and we will be happy, but that is not the case. Self-care is undoubtedly vital to your well-being. But you must understand that focusing on others is a function of self-care. You cannot maximise your happiness if you are too focused on self, serving self, or personal well-being. Again, making a difference through serving others is the hidden key to maximum happiness. For this reason, Jesus says it is more blessed to give than receive. When we give of ourselves, we find fulfilment that far outweighs what we feel when we receive.
So how do we find happiness by making a difference? What I am about to share will be intensely practical, and I hope it gives you clear steps to take to be a happier person. I want to take the rest of your time and explore five areas where you can make a difference by serving others—which will lead to your maximum happiness—starting with your own home.
Maximise your happiness by making a difference in your home.
Have you ever heard the phrase, "charity begins at home?" If you have not, it is rooted in the Apostle Paul's words to his son in the faith, pastor Timothy.
He writes, "But those who won't care for their relatives, especially those in their own household, have denied the true faith. Such people are worse than unbelievers." [1 TIMOTHY 5:8]
Those are strong words for what seems not to be such a significant issue, but the strong language here indicates that caring for one's family is not just a moral or emotional duty; it is a spiritual issue. Paul is saying to Timothy that failure to reflect the Gospel in this way and in that arena is tantamount to a denial of the faith. How you care for your home and serve those in it reflects what you believe about Jesus. To be sure, this goes beyond biological or adopted or foster family; it also applies to how you treat your roommates if you have them.
I often lament some of my behaviour toward a couple of my roommates back at University. My roommates were not the cleanest, and it frustrated me. All that Enneagram Eight energy would be raging all the time. One time I got so frustrated at their refusal to do their dishes that I took a bussing box from the restaurant where I worked, brought it home, filled it with all the dishes, and stuck it in their shower. I did not do this out of love; I did it out of anger. And it made no difference in their lives at all, and I indeed was not serving them; I was serving me. It was not one of my finer moments. I failed to show them Jesus, which reflected what I actually believed about Jesus. So instead of being the chief hostility officer, as I was in that shameful moment, how will you tangibly become the chief servant in your home this next week?
Kids, are you going to pick up your room without being asked?
Parents, will you be fully present with your kids and attentive to what they need?
Spouses, are you going to work at outdoing one another in showing honour?
Roommates, are you going to seek to serve one another well, therefore being the greatest? [MATTHEW 23:11]
If you are going to maximise your happiness, you have to make a difference in other people's lives by serving them—and it starts with the people in your own homes. After our home is our church.
Maximise your happiness by making a difference in your church.
God created you and me to make a difference in the church and the host culture. When you belong to God's family, you do not volunteer to serve in and out of it; you do so as a representative of Jesus and His family. God has a place for you where your unique abilities and passions can impact the lives of others. I believe your life will never make sense until you find, develop, and fulfil your purpose. The Scriptures agree.
“For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” [EPHESIANS 2:10]
“However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me.” [ACTS 20:24]
“Now God gives us many kinds of special abilities...and there are different kinds of service to God [ministry]... All of you together are the one Body of Christ and each of you is a separate and necessary part of it.” [1 CORINTHIANS 12:4–5, 27]
Renovation, the church I help lead, believes there is no great divide between the “ministers” and the “congregation.” Everyone has something they can do to impact the lives of others in the Kingdom of God. Every member of Renovation is a minister, every person is gifted in some area, and every task is essential.
So how do you make a difference in your church? First, you discover what you do well and the gifts God has given you. At Renovation Church, we use specific tools for this purpose, to do our part in helping you find your way, and then you have three responsibilities:
Discover your gifts.
Develop your gifts.
Use your gifts.
Second, you work to create the culture you want to see in your church.
Your church and what she will be, is ultimately up to you, not "the leadership."
But I believe there are some things I can guide you in that will help shape the kind of church everyone will love. Do these things, and it will happen.
Cultivate a love for God by developing your closeness with God, your character and your calling.
Cultivate a love for people by being a servant, being present, and being a team player.
Pursue excellence in your community. Do things well, do them before you are asked, do more than is expected, and do it innovatively.
Choose joy. Be enjoyable. Be positive. Be light.
Guess what you all do by cultivating, pursuing, doing and being these things? You will create a powerful, magnetic, energised, attractive culture that people will want to be a part of, which will lead to life-change for many! You will create a life-giving church! And you will do so while making a difference in the lives of everyone who ever visits or decides to become a part of our community.
So you can maximise your happiness by making a difference in your home (area one) and by making a difference in your church (area two). But it does not stop there. In the final instalment of this series, I will tell you three other areas where you can make a difference, and it will maximise your happiness and change someone else's life.